Joop!: Joop! Homme (1989)



I still remember the first time I smelled Joop! on someone else. It was a schoolmate, and when I asked him what that scent was, he was a little embarrassed to tell me. I suppose that makes sense, given that teenage boys in the late 80's and early 90's weren't fully on board with wearing a sweet fragrance was colored hot pink.

I loved the way it smelled, though, so I got a bottle as soon as I could. Then, as now, Joop! is dazzling and unique. It's not for everyone, I understand, but I love the way it stands out in a crowd of similar-smelling fragrances.

The odor is difficult to pin down. What gives it that extra sparkle? Is this what happens when you take the vibrance of patchouli and mix it with cinnamon, jasmine, and vanilla? I've heard it said that there are citrus elements in the profile (bergamot, orange) but I don't get any of that here. I get a sweet-and-floral bouquet ratcheted up with just enough patchouli to make it interesting, but without patchouli ever becoming the prominent note.

It glitters, somehow. I would almost describe this as a "metallic" sweetness, but that would give the wrong impression.

There will never be another Joop!, so get a bottle while you can. It's definitely a fragrance for special situations, and it needs to be applied lightly. It's a projection beast and it lasts forever, so use a gentle touch with this one. It's far too easy to over-apply, at which point this fragrance becomes maddeningly cloying, sickly sweet, and likely to cause headaches.

7/10 stars.

Aramis: Aramis (1965)



It's fascinating for me to imagine this fragrance being worn in the mid-to-late 1960's. I'm a child of the 80's, so I can only look back and wonder how people reacted to Aramis when it first hit shelves. Was it shocking, bold, and daring? What sort of person wore it?

I ask these things because Aramis strikes me as a scent that should be very comfortable in the company of the typically bombastic fragrances of the 1980's. Aramis is an exclamation point, not at all shy, and even a bit challenging to some noses. Mine in particular.

When I first smelled Aramis, it was the early 1990's and I was very into fragrances like Obsession, Eternity, Escape, Cool Water, Giorgio for Men, Azzaro, and Fahrenheit. The unifying theme in those scents is that they all have a sweet edge, to some degree at least. Aramis, to my nose at the time, had no sweetness at all.

In fact, on the contrary, Aramis was sour. It smelled like armpit sweat to me. I hated it, and even though I'd come back to it every few years and see if maybe I was just misremembering how bad it was, I never liked it. If you had asked me at any point from 1989 through 2016 what my all-time least favorite cologne was, I would have said Aramis.

And then I tried it again in 2017, and I can't get enough of this stuff. The sour note there is no doubt coming (partly, at least) from the bergamot citrus element, and the way that element is woven together with the bitter edges of the sage, vetiver, and moss. A bit of patchouli lightens things up just a bit, but that bitterly sour shape is still there.

Perhaps the newer formulas dial up the patchouli a bit more than in the original recipe. I don't know. I just know that I enjoy this mixture now, in the way that I might enjoy a sour lemon candy precisely because it is sour, and I like the way it makes my mouth water.

Aramis is sort of like that. It's not for everyday use, in my opinion. It's not for work, or even necessarily for a date. But once in a while, maybe for the kind of party that requires a suit and tie, or perhaps for an evening spent alone in front of a fireplace, Aramis could be a nice choice.

7/10 stars.

Giorgio Beverly Hills: Giorgio for Men (1984)



I love me some nostalgia, and I love me some 1980's "powerhouse" colognes (when they're done right, that is), and Giorgio for Men checks all the right boxes for me. Proceed with caution, this is definitely not a scent to be trifled with.

The initial burst is a basically a giant delivery truck backing up to the dock and unloaded pallet after pallet of patchouli and honey. It's a little shocking, honestly, how in-your-face and strong the opening notes are. But it's so, so, so good! Patchouli! Honey! More patchouli!

As you might expect, the projection is devastating, and I won't put this fragrance on unless I have at least a half hour to let it settle down before I have to be around people. It's very strong, it's very heavy, so be careful.

Once the bomb has exploded and the dust has had time to settle, some of the other notes start to peek out from behind the patchouli and honey wall: a hint of cinnamon, shades of vanilla, faint citrus. But mostly it continues to burn steady with that awesome patchouli/honey combo, albeit in a slightly more muted fashion.

I love this fragrance, I really do. I particularly enjoy it when I don't have to be around people and worry about offending them. It's a great scent for a winter weekend at home when you have no plans other than watching some movies or reading some books.

And yes, this is very much a cold-weather fragrance, in my opinion. I think any added heat might cause spontaneous combustion.

God, I miss the 80's sometimes.

9/10 stars.

Calvin Klein: Escape for Men (1993)



Calvin Klein's Escape for Men was my very first genuine designer fragrance. I think I had a half-empty bottle of English Leather on a dresser in my room, or a dusty bottle of Jovan Musk sitting on the bathroom counter when I was 12, but I never really used that stuff. I didn't have money for the good stuff, so I bought a lot of cheap fake colognes ("If you like Obsession for Men, you'll love Obsequious!", that sort of thing). 

When I finally got some decent money as a birthday gift, I had my mom take me to the mall, and I started sampling the men's fragrances. Calvin Klein's Escape is what I finally settled on, and I still have that bottle, over 20 years later. Sure, it's only about one-fifth full, but I still have it!

Escape is, like Eternity for Men, a clean and fresh scent based on a strong citrus opening. Where Eternity uses mandarin, Escape takes a side-step and uses grapefruit, but both use vetiver and sandalwood in the base.

It's in the green herbal blend that Escape sets itself apart from Eternity and takes a very different direction. The top grapefruit note is blended with juniper and eucalyptus, with the eucalyptus taking a particularly strong stance. (Don't sleep on the juniper, though, it's definitely there, giving Escape an almost gin-like character.) 

The whole top blend is a bit minty, a bit medicinal, but the citrus keeps it light.

The sage, cypress, and rosemary round out the very "green" profile, and a bit of light patchouli in the base gives the whole thing some sparkle.

Incredibly, given that Calvin Klein spun Eternity into about a billion flankers, Escape stands alone and has never been turned into something else. There is no Escape Intense, or Escape Dark, or even Extreme Escape on the market, and I like it that way. It's a very original scent, and I hope they leave it alone forever.

The projection is average, about what you'd expect for a citrus-heavy green scent, and the longevity is in the 4-6 hour range. It's a perfect fragrance for the spring and especially the summer, but probably best tucked away in the closet for the cold winter months.

8/10 stars.

Alfred Sung: Sung Homme (1988)



I'm not sure if Alfred Sung's magical Sung Homme fragrance qualifies as a true "barbershop scent" (I think it might need more talcum powder or musk to reach that level), but it's what I always think of anyway. Probably a more accurate statement is that it's a soapy scent, and in particular, it's a bar of Irish Spring, liquefied and bottled.

I don't know exactly what the magic formula is. Perhaps it's the way they blended the patchouli with the pepper, thyme, sage, lavender, and cedarwood. Perhaps it's the sandalwood or the vetiver. Whatever it is, it's spicy clean and green, it's basically liquid Irish Spring, and I love it.

Sung Homme gets better as it dries down and the harsher edges of the pepper and herbs start to soften a bit. Plan accordingly, and don't spray it on 10 seconds before you walk out the door. Give it some time to rest.

The projection is quite good, as you might expect with that explosive combination of ingredients, and the longevity is above average.

The only hesitation I have is that it might be a better scent for someone over 50, not the thirty-something set, and certainly not the college crowd.

Still. Great fragrance. I love to spray some on after my evening workout and shower.

7/10 stars.

Calvin Klein: Eternity for Men (1989)



I know it's hip and cool to hate on Calvin Klein fragrances these days, and probably a lot of that has been warranted in the last several years, but when that hipster hate extends automatically to some of the late 80's and early 90's CK offerings, I draw the line. Calvin Klein's Eternity made an impression on me from the first time I smelled it on someone else, and I absolutely had to have it.

This scent will always be the embodiment, for me, of the early 1990's "clean and fresh" smell, before that term became synonymous with the all-pervasive aqua trend. Eternity is spring and summer awesomeness, and yet stands worlds apart from scents like Cool Water, Acqua Di Gio, Azzaro's Chrome, and the like.

The original Eternity scent is wholly unique in the way it blends its citrus elements with florals and spices like lavender, jasmine, sage, and basil. It is at once earthy and fresh, energizing and relaxing.

I still have a bottle from the mid 1990's, so I can't say if recent formulations are as long-lasting or good at projection, but the stuff I have is more than adequate at both. It projects several feet (you don't need much more), and it lasts a decent 5-6 hours.

It's disappointing to me that this very original and remarkable fragrance spawned so many forgettable flankers. Not only has there been an annual "summer" release every year since 2005 (Eternity Summer for Men 2011, Eternity Summer for Men 2012, Eternity Summer for Men 2013, and on and on until you vomit), but we must also include:

  • Eternity Aqua
  • Eternity Intense
  • Eternity Night
  • Eternity Now
  • Eternity 25th Anniversary Edition
  • Eternity Collector Edition 2016

From what I've sampled, none of the flankers are really all that good, and I think that has ultimately harmed the reputation of the original. Fortunately for those of us who know better, that means it's entirely affordable right now. Fragrance Shop has 3.4 oz bottles for around $27, and that's a ridiculous steal considering what I paid back in the 90's.

9/10 stars.

Perry Ellis: Perry Ellis Oud - Black Vanilla Absolute (2015)



Perry Ellis is always a fun fragrance house to keep tabs on, what with their constant quest to create affordable doppelganger scents of popular, overpriced designer colognes. They do a pretty good job of it to, so I was definitely looking forward to seeing what they were going to do with the "oud craze."

Black Vanilla Absolute is part of an oud trilogy by Perry Ellis, which includes Saffron Rose Absolute and Vetiver Royale Absolute. It is marked as a unisex fragrance, and a few whiffs quickly reveal why.

It's a very nice vanilla scent, blended with rum and tobacco that gives it an odd similarity to the vanilla extract you would use for baking. It's a light vanilla, airy and not at all invasive.

The oud, on the other hand? I've seen reviews where people claim that there is no oud in this fragrance, and I understand why. It all depends on how close you are to the skin when smelling it. (Keep this in mind when you're deciding whether to wear this to work, or on a date where there might be up-close interaction.)

The oud stays very, very close to the skin, so that from a foot or two away, what you get is 80% sweet vanilla, 20% mild oud. Put your nose up close to the skin, however, and suddenly it's 90% sour (and synthetic) oud and only 10% distant vanilla.

I don't like the smell of this fragrance from that close of a distance, but even the distance between my neck and my nose is enough to give vanilla the upper hand. And it's a very nice vanilla indeed. (Is it ok to say I love the bottle as well? Very sturdy, weighty, dense. It feels good to hold it.)

The projection is moderate, as is the longevity. Sites like Fragrance Net (which has this filed as a woman's fragrance, heads up) are offering 3.4 oz bottles for the very reasonable price of $34.99, so I would definitely recommend picking one up.

7/10 stars.

Givenchy: Pi (1999)



It's hard for me to be objective when reviewing Givenchy's Pi fragrance, because it was ruined for me in 2006 by a co-worker with whom I shared a cubicle. He would go out for regular smoke breaks, and then apply liberal doses of Pi to mask the smell of cigarette smoke. Of course, this accomplished nothing except to create a headache-inducing aroma of burnt cologne.

Not to mention the fact that Pi is a three-ton vanilla bomb with massive projection that should only be applied in small amounts, and only once. Using it as air freshener three to four times in an eight-hour period is severe overkill.

So I don't like this scent. Not anymore.

But if I remove myself from those obnoxious memories, and try to take a fresh look at this composition, I might be persuaded to call this a five- or six-star fragrance instead of a two- or three-star fragrance.

Did I mention the vanilla bomb? It's epic. And according to Fragrantica, that vanilla is blended with benzoin, tonka bean, almond, and anise. I don't know how accurate all of that is, but the point is made: Pi is sweetness, layered with sweetness, further mixed with sweetness, and planted in a bed of sweetness.

"Cloying" is something of an understatement.

Yes, there are some "green things" (basil, rosemary, tarragon, etc.) thrown in there to give it a more herbal character, but those notes get lost in the Vanillapocalypse.

Did I mention how sweet this scent is?

Still, it's an intriguing concoction, and at the time of its release it was a very bold and daring move by Givenchy, and I respect that. Again, if applied in small doses, it might be the sort of thing you could enjoy once in a while as a novelty. But seriously: small doses. The projection and longevity of this scent are not to be treated flippantly here.

6/10 stars.

Carolina Herrera: Herrera for Men (1991)



Carolina Herrera's Herrera for Men was one of the first real fragrances I ever owned. I was a teenager, I'd just picked up my first part-time job, and with my new-found disposable income I was exploring my fascination with colognes. I picked up the smaller, 1.7-to-2.5 oz bottles of Escape, Joop!, Obsession, Polo, and Herrera for Men, and they were all fantastic.

Eventually.

At first, I thought Herrera for Men was too sweet, and was probably better suited for feminine wear. (Hey, I was new, I thought all men's colognes should smell like leather, wood, or musk.)

But as I continued to wear it, I started to appreciate the layers of this fabulous fragrance. The initial bouquet of lemony lavender is quite good, and the rosemary adds an extra bit of surprise punch to the whole thing. It's hypnotizing, to be quite honest. I can stand there and sniff it for hours and just get lost.

It gets even better on the dry-down, though. That's when those initial notes start to give way just a little bit to a deeper base of sandalwood, amber, and musk. Absolutely enchanting.

It's an older scent, so it can be had for relatively cheap, but it has also stood the test of time, and you won't be finding it in the bargain bin. A 3.4 oz bottle sells (at the time of this writing) for around $40 at Fragrance Shop or Fragrance Net.  

It's also very versatile, in my opinion. Light and sweet enough for spring and summer, but with enough spice, warmth, and depth to hold its own in the fall and winter as well.

9/10 stars.

Versace: Versace l'Homme (1984)



Ah, the fragrances of the mid 80's. It seems like such an either/or proposition. Either you get a scent that is wonderful and timeless, or you get a scent that smells very much like the 1980's and it's not all that much fun. For me, Versace l'Homme falls into that latter category.

There's a nice burst of lemon up front upon the first spray, and the patchouli is quite prominent as well, but the whole thing starts off very harsh to my nose. It reminds me of smelling my mom's perfumes when I was a kid, and all I could detect was the sting of chemicals.

As the non-descript "alcohol" scent dies down a bit, the lemon and patchouli stick around, but they're surrounded by strong floral odors. I have to keep checking the bottle to make sure I didn't accidentally get the women's perfume version of the fragrance.

I'm not sure if I just need to find another bottle, or find the original formulation, or what the problem is. I see that this cologne is highly rated by others, and I was excited to see what it was all about, but for now I have to say I'm disappointed. There's nothing special about this fragrance, and the florals are already starting to get a bit cloying.

4/10 stars.

Top 5 Best Winter & Holiday Fragrances for Men



Lists are dangerous. No, seriously, they're really dangerous. A list robbed and murdered my uncle once. Beware of lists.

But I can't help myself. It's the holiday season, the weather is colder now, and I'm swapping out my light-and-fresh summer colognes for the heavier, spicier, darker colognes. And as I dust off and become reacquainted with these old friends, I can't help but get extra excited over a select few of them. My favorites. The ones I love to wear the most.

You already hate my list. I know that, and I accept that. But these are my top five, so here we go, in no particular order of importance.

Calvin Klein: Obsession (1986)



This was one of the first scents I was obsessed with (pun intended). It may have come out in the mid-80's, but it was still all the rage when I was a teenager in the early 90's, and I will always have nostalgic feelings for this fragrance. Obsession is definitely a cold-weather scent, though, so I save it until November through February, and especially during the stretch from Thanksgiving to Christmas.

This is a holiday scent, no question about it. With myrrh, clove, and nutmeg resting on a spiced-up base of amber, musk, and patchouli, there's no denying it: you'll smell like Christmas cookies.

Burberry: London (2006)



Many reviewers have called this the quintessential holiday fragrance. With notes of cinnamon, sweet tobacco, wine, lavender and mimosa flowers, and leather, I'd say I have to agree.

After reading that list of notes, I was expecting something richer and spicier, but this is definitely more on the sweet end of the spectrum. It smells like a holiday fruit pie to me, but a pie sitting in a room where someone is smoking cherry vanilla pipe tobacco.

Thierry Mugler: A*Men / Angel Men (1996) 



Dark and sweet, like rich hot cocoa in the winter. This fragrance is a double-barrel blast of coffee and chocolate, but with hints of vanilla, musk, caramel, and patchouli to smooth it out.

Definitely a winter and holiday favorite.

Viktor & Rolf: Spicebomb (2012)



When I think of how Christmas and Thanksgiving smell, I think in terms of spices: cloves stuck in oranges, mulled wine, pumpkin pie with nutmeg and allspice, eggnog with cinnamon and clove.

And if you want spices, then you want Spicebomb. It's a blast of cinnamon, pink pepper, tobacco, and leather (to name just a few notes) and it smells fantastic. The longevity is quite nice, too.

Bvlgari: Man in Black (2014)



As I was just saying, the holiday season is all about spices, and Man in Black (not to be confused with Bvlgari Man, or Bvlgari Man Black) is absolutely dripping with rum, cinnamon, leather, amber, vanilla, and other lovely things.

It projects very well, it's a dark kind of sweet, and it lasts for hours. It's rum and cola in a fragrance! Happy Holidays!

Honorable Mention: Ralph Lauren Polo (1978)



This is it, guys, the granddaddy of winter scents. The original that spawned a thousand flankers. When this fragrance came out, Grease and Superman were the big movies, the Bee Gees had a huge hit with "Stayin' Alive," and Jimmy Carter was the president.

I don't care, it's a classic, and I love it. Some people don't, because this is a very, very strong scent that is overloaded with more than 20 notes, with pine and cedar dominating the pack. There's some Frankincense, lavender, musk, and patchouli to sweeten things up a bit, but this is definitely a green forest scent.

But that's Christmas, right? Pine trees and Frankincense? Just go easy with the application, and you'll get plenty of compliments.

Issey Miyake: Nuit d'Issey (2014)



In tackling Issey Miyake's Nuit d'Issey for this review, I'm doing something for the first (and probably last) time: sharing my thoughts on a scent that I've only smelled on a card, not on my skin. I know full well that once a fragrance hits your skin it can be an entirely different experience, but frankly, what I've smelled on the card is enough to keep me from ever spraying this stuff on my skin.

No way. Not unless I have nothing else to do and nowhere else to be, and I can shower off at a moment's notice.

The first blast is so heavy, it's overwhelming. It's thick, and cloying, and oppressive. The prominent note here is "woods," but it's that really sharp, cedar and pine smell, and in this case it's heavily mixed with the smell of something burning. Incense and "spices" are among the officially listed notes, so perhaps those are the offending actors here, but whatever it is, it's gross.

It's too much. It's like taking a really strong, bold, rich coffee and then not using enough water in the brewing process. This smells like a wet, burnt log of cedar wood. I'm struggling to get past this smell just to see if there's anything else in here that I can detect, something that would salvage the experience ... and there isn't.

The best I can say is that the burnt odor eventually starts to fade, but that very dominant and too-strong woodsy smell sticks around and blocks whatever else might going on in this fragrance. Supposedly there's some grapefruit, and some leather, and I can't help but think that it sure would be nice to be able to smell those. Alas, if those notes are there, they are fully buried.

Even the bottle is a disappointment. The cap is heavy and long (fully the size of the palm of my hand) and it narrows as it goes from its base to its top, so what you're grabbing onto when you open the bottle is a thin wedge. With as heavy as the cap is, I can guarantee you I'm going to accidentally drop it at some point, because there's nothing here to grab onto.



I really wanted this to be an awesome fragrance. The notes all sounded fantastic. But I can't see myself ever wearing this for any reason.

2/10 stars.
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